The Day After Christmas Resolution

We gaze out at downtown Dallas from her balcony.

Fifteen floors up it's windy out here and all that worry

over my hair a waste of time. A girl I was friends with

for 16 years before leaving for NYC is hosting an

after-holiday party with her boyfriend of five years.

My guy is still grousing about being here with all

these "old" people. "Are we this old?" he asks. No,

now sit down and enjoy yourself. He wants to know

why we left so quickly from my other girlfriend's

townhouse. The house with 20-somethings and

substantial food about to be served. Free food.

I'm annoyed that he won't stop asking. "I hate

these hit-and-run social events. I'd like to get to

know some of your friends." We'll stay longer next

time "What's our time limit for this situation?

I'd like to be prepared." I tell him to get another drink.

It's fun seeing my friend again but can't recount the

crazy escapades in front of our current guys. Not

appropriate on so many levels. She was my friends

back in the the day. Those crazy electric early

days when we'd pretend to have important things

to do before showing up at the clubs at 10 PM.

A lot of wasted time pretending. Next year I

pledge to not waste any time.

I watch her interact with her new friends made

in my 16 year absence. I met her in a restaurant

in Dallas. Down the bar there was this beautiful girl

in a striking red suit and matching red hat. Any

woman who has the balls to wear a red hat with

confidence is someone I want to know. And so it

began. We dated two guys that were best friends,

suffered with each other through break ups and

heart breaks. I think about one particularly painful

breakup. I sat on my sofa for weeks and don't

remember how the bills got paid. How I was so

numb from despair that I was unable to talk.

How I knew I would never kill myself but did have

crying jags on the phone with therapists. And

anyone that would listen. So much wasted time.

It's fun talking to her new friends. And one old one.

She starts to tell me when the last time was we

saw each other. The Fairmont Hotel on New Year's

Eve I say. Surprised, she agrees. Then recalls we

then went to the 8.0 Bar after. That I don't

remember. Truth be told I recently looked at photos

from that New Years Eve at the Fairmont Hotel

twenty years ago. I remember thinking why

didn't I wear more make up and what was going

through my head when I pulled my hair back like that.

One of her friends and her husband are taking

9 months off and leasing a home in Aspen so their

13 year old daughter can learn to ski. Must be nice

I comment. She says it costs about the same to do

that as it does to put her daughter through one

year of private school. I can't imagine this idea

hatching from the brains of my parents. But then

my father was an engineer and I doubt her husband is.